Bobby Earl Life

I am close. I know I am. The closer I get the further away it feels though. Kind of like that one the more education you get, the more you realize just how little you know, or something like that. I feel like running away right now. I feel like going where no one knows me. Where I have no obligations. There are plenty of people in life that put themselves first, but somehow I haven’t become one of those people. Just recently someone told me they felt that I looked down upon everyone else. As if I were better than every single other person. If I do come across like that then I’m sorry. I never wanted anyone to think I was better than them. In fact, I feel like I’m just the opposite. I am constantly worrying about this, worrying about that, I never get to worry about me. That’s not healthy at all.

Back to running away, I know it’s such a childish thing to do but it’s what I feel would be best. If I just leave all my problems in the past. I can go away, start fresh and not have to worry about anyone else but me. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with putting yourself first. I feel like giving up. Saying I couldn’t hack it. I wasn’t good enough to handle it. Plenty of people before me have given up and had a decent life. Why should I be any different?

I started. I wrote. I read. I deleted.

For some reason I can’t seem to bring myself to always write what I’m feeling. I am working on it I promise. Just like the webcam. I’m working on that one too. As a start I have decided to write about some things I would like to accomplish in my life before I die. This list is in no order, only other that I think about it. I might as well go ahead and tell you that I’m not expecting myself to think of everything at once. There is a strong possiblity that I will be going back and adding things. Luckily thanks to those that commented I know people read it. Actually I knew people read it because I track my statistics but that’s boring to most. As I started typing this I got Deja Vu. That was exciting. If you feel the need to write a list well then go right ahead.

I’ll bet you have no idea what that red flag is doing in here. Well let me enlighten you. That is the flag or Turkey. Hell of a flag, huh? I know you see the symbolism now. One misconception about college: Thanksgiving break does not mean a break from work, just from class. My family is going to the mountains to celebrate Thanksgiving. I have opted to stay here and eat with John’s family. They always feed me well. I just have too much work that requires the computer.

This morning I was supposed to have an on-site visit at Springs. I woke up and immediately began to regurgitate. At first I thought it was some bad pizza from Papa Johns but Chip had the same thing so that’s out. I had some chicken also from Papa Johns and a sald from The Whitehorse. The best I can figure it’s one of those that my stomach didn’t like. I didn’t feel well enough to be able to ride 45 minutes in a car to Lancaster. Instead we’ve pushed the meeting back to more-than-likely Monday. I felt better by lunch so apparently whatever it was just wanted to get out.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and damn it sure does hurt. Ahh, I kid. I have been wondering what I’m gonna do when I graduate. I am nearly 100% sure I don’t wanna live in Rock Hill. It’s a nice place but I need to get away for a little while. I can see my epitaph now:

Born in York County

Learned in York County

Lived in York County

Died in York County

Sick and Sicker as opposed to Dumb and Dumber, crafty I know. So I went from feeling literally sick to feeling like someone took a mack truck and ran me over. I’m not sure if it’s just a cold or if it’s the flu or if I’m dying or what. Well I actually I know we’re all dying. It just feels like I’m dying faster than anyone else right now. It couldn’t have come at a worse time either. I had a huge meeting with my writing 465 teacher to discuss my project. I had to basically ask for an extension to get it done. I’ve already had two tests this week. One computer architecture and the other modern physics. Not exactly easy stuff. On top of that I have some database work I need to get done for Springs as well as fix a few things involved with Orientation.

The only real comfort I have (calling it comfort sounds evil but oh well) is that both Chip and Ashley are sick. Same symptoms as I so I have no doubt that we have the same thing. I’m sure the weather has a lot to do with it. Hot … Cold … Hot … VERY Cold … Hot. That kind of weather messes with your system. On top of that the college lifestyle is just asking to get sick. I’m like working the corner of virus lane or something. Constantly spreading yourself thin is not a good habit but almost a necessity if you want to do well. At least I have people to be sick with me.

We have our KS retreat this weekend. I’m debating on whether I’ll even be able to go. I have so much to do. Even more considering I have to play catch up for the first part of the week. I would really like to go simply because I’m ready for a break. The other exciting thing is that Thanksgiving Break is merely a week away. Once again, a much deserved “rest” from academics.

CSS is amazing. In approximately 1 hour I completely changed the look and feel of my site. It really only took that long because I had to tweak a few things, some one-time fixes kind of stuff. By simply changing one file I have completely redesigned my site. It’s just amazing.

Let me just give you a run down of the events happening lately. I can’t drive my truck because the tags are expired. I can’t afford to buy new tags because I’m too poor. My bicycle was stolen. If I find the bastard(s) that did it I am scared of what I will do. Lots of physical pain and suffering I’m sure. That pretty much leaves me bumming rides from people and walking. My pet mouse died. I’m also sick with a cold.

That’s a lot of crap on my shoulders, literally. Surprisingly though I’m not in a bad mood. I feel literally sick but I don’t have that weighed down feeling that I get a lot. Maybe that comes with age or maybe drugs. Nyquil is one hell of a drug. It knocks you out within 20 minutes.

I’m tired of typing. I feel as if I’m in the mood where I might type something and then regret it later. I don’t wanna do that because then I’d have to deal with. I’m out.

It’s so weird how quickly my mood can change. Sunday I was definitely sick. I’m not gonna lie, I think a lot of had to do with being hungover; however, I also think it was possibly I ate something the day before that contributed to it. I actually missed a group meeting and two Kappa Sigma events because I felt so bad. I slept through all of it. Thanks to those people that stepped up and did a lot of group work and Kappa Sigma stuff for me.

But just as quickly as it came, today I started to feel better. Classes went by fast. I’m not sure what changes my mood sometimes. I went from feeling like crap to having a pretty good day and almost feeling revived. Perhaps it was the 16 hours or so of sleep I got on Sunday. I’ve talked to some people about possibly having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). They all seem to agree, but I think a lot of college students have it. It’s just our lifestyle; having so much to do and worry about but getting very little sleep. Catching up on sleep I’m sure was a big change but sometimes it seems to be the small things that can really change your mood, whether it be just having someone ask if you’re okay or getting a good meal. I dunno, sounds weird but I think it’s true.

We played SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design) on the 23rd. You’re probably having the same thought I did. Art and Design, how good of a team can this be. Well the first inclination that this was gonna be a tough game came about before we even set foot on the field. Pulling into the parking lot we got to see their license plates. Maryland, Virginia, Florida, New York Probably the states where lacrosse is the most prevelant. Anyway, our team had many improvements. We played a much better game than we did against PC. Hopefully by next semester we will be a real competitor.

This bruise is on my right thigh. I cropped the original picture to exclude certain “cracks” on my body. I got it from a shot-on-goal.

Anyway, school is keeping me BUSY (Remember all caps). I’m still doing well. A couple of the classes are hard work but oh well. I got my second modern physics test back today. B+ That’s what I’m talking about. This weekend is Halloween. Lots of celebrations. On Friday it’s a party with some good friends from work. On Saturday I will be attending Fright Night sponsored by Kappa Sigma. It’s at The Money in Rock Hill. It’s free though so come out. Then on Sunday I will be trick-or-treating. Should be an exciting weekend to say the least.

I typed here in all caps just so everyone will understand HOW EXCITED I AM. In case you didn’t understand, typing in all caps shows just how happy and ecstatic you really are. From now on I suggest that if you are feeling awesome, you should TYPE IN ALL CAPS!

Seriously though, Fall Break starts for me today at 6:15. At one point in time I had grand visions of going somewhere blah blah, like I do every year. But then I have to come to the realization that I’m broke and can’t afford to go anywhere. I’m sure there will be some other people still in town so I can manage to find some type of enterainment. I do have a good bit of work due when we get back. That’s not really entertainment though. The main objective of this weekend is to sleep. Lots of sleep.

I’m not gonna lie to you here, I’ve written this entry in two parts. The first part, I had no money. Now, I have money. I went home to find a 100 dollar rebate check from my monitor waiting on me. HAPPY ME. Look all caps. I still think I’m gonna stay around Rock Hill, except now I’ll be able to actually eat. Tonight we have a mixer with ADPi. Hopefully enough of them and us haven’t left for Fall Break yet.

For those that are habitual readers (that makes it sound like a bad thing), you’ll probably remember my complaints about how I actually edit/insert new thoughts. Well I’ve been working on that the past couple days. I’m now using a Rich Text Editor to update my entries. Pretty exciting huh? Be on the lookout this weekend for some changes. I’m still focused on actually having a “comment” section for my individual entries.

For everyone that has a Fall Break this weekend, have fun! For everyone else, just hang in there it’s coming.

I need to write. I know I need to write about something. Suddenly when I sit down to write I can’t think of anything. Important events
are supposed to inspire you to write. Perhaps I’ll just start by what’s happened to me since my last thought. *Looking back at my last thought* I really don’t like putting “actions”
in my thoughts but it looked cool so what the hell.

I last wrote on the 16th of September. Well it’s October which means the month has changed. I had several tests and projects in that time. I did well on my tests. Got a B on my first
modern physics test. Got an A in software engineering and a B in programming languages. I made a C on a writing 465 class. The same class that I forgot to SU. Not very smart on
my part but oh well. I’m sure lots more happened since then but oh well. I guess it wasn’t that important if I can’t remember it.

What do I have coming up? Well our first lacrosse game is this weekend. It’s a scrimage against Presbyterian College. They’re a new team so it should be a pretty good game. I’m
excited to have that adrenaline rush back again. It’s also a great stress reliever for me getting to run and hit people. We also have our alumni weekend for Kappa Sigma which I’m also
looking forward to.

I’m tired so I’m going to bed. This is probably a crappy entry, as opposed to all the other ones which are pure excitement.

(!Kidding Just) Holy Crap. It’s hard being a good student. I’m not going to lie, I couldn’t tell you a time prior to this semester that I’ve cared about my grades. It’s actually funny because I preached for over two years to incoming freshman how they were going to have to change their study habits from high school. I however never followed my own advice. I’ve studied here and there. I’ve read over my notes or spent a little time on a project. I’ve never really changed the amount of studying and time on school work in probably about ten years. For some reason I believe it finally started to dawn on me. I want to do well in school. I’m paying, well borrowing, a crap load of money to be here. If I don’t do well I’m not getting my moneys worth.

I’m taking two 400-level computer science classes, an intensive writing class (arguably one of the most challenging classes here at Winthrop), and a modern physics class. To some that might not sound so bad but to someone that’s trying to do better in school that’s a bitch. The past three years I’ve been here I was so involved on-campus. This semester has definitely changed that. I don’t even have time to do work for my job here. Luckily they’re understanding that academics come first. I’ve had to miss several lacrosse practices. I’m just going to have to realize I can’t do everything now that I’m focusing my attention where is should be, on my
academic career.